Broken Together
by 18lzytwner
Summary: Set after "Smoked". Olivia is in a funk which can only be described as missing Elliot despite the fact that he'd been a jerk after the death of Jenna at the precinct. Can a visitor help her get out of that funk or will they make it worse? One shot.


**A/N: A little oneshot that hit me. It has nothing to do with my current series. Just something that comes shortly after "Smoked". Hope you like it!**

* * *

 **Broken Together**

 _By_

 _18lzytwner_

It had been another long day at the precinct and Detective Olivia Benson was tired. She was tired of the perps, tired of dealing with IAB, and tired of dealing with a new partner. It had been three weeks since the Captain told her the news. Three weeks since she balled her eyes out in the interrogation room. She had lost a lot in her life but she had never figured that Elliot would be one of the losses.

Dropping her keys into the bowl by the front door, she hung up her coat, and kicked off her shoes upon entering her apartment. Plodding along until she hit the kitchen, she wondered if a liquid dinner was in order. _Why? So you can lose yourself in a bottle like your mother?_ The thought passed through her mind and she shook it off. Opening the fridge she discovered that once again there wasn't any food in it. She didn't feel like going out so she called the Chinese place down the street. Mr. Lin promised to have it there in a jiffy. _It's pretty sad you know the owner so well that his delivery boy makes you a priority._ Another thought sifted through her mind. The fact was, outside of SVU, she didn't see anyone except the Chinese delivery boy.

Her buzzer broke her out of her funk and she went to the mechanism by the door wondering just how quickly the food was being made. Still she didn't confirm it was the delivery boy, she just buzzed the person in. Dangerous perhaps as it could have been anybody and it could have been someone just trying to break into the building but she was beyond caring at the moment.

Heading to the fridge, she pulled out her last bottle of wine and opened it. She didn't wait for it to breathe and poured herself some. Putting the bottle away in the fridge, she sipped some, assuming her food was on the way up. The knock at the door didn't sound like the usual delivery boy but she shrugged it off and set down the wine glass before heading to the door.

 _All I know, is everything is not as it's sold, but the more I grow the less I know…_

"Elliot…" his name died in her throat.

"Liv, I…" he didn't get a chance to finish as she struck him across the face. It was then that she noticed he hadn't shaved and he looked awful. His skin color told her that he hadn't seen the sun in a while and the bags under his eyes told her he wasn't sleeping.

"I deserve that," he said rubbing his jaw.

"Damn right you do," Olivia was not in the mood.

"Can I please come in?" Elliot asked, partly wanting to have a private conversation, partly wanting to be able to sit down.

"I'm not sure I can handle this right now. Just get in your car and drive away. Leave me alone because that's what you're good at," she hissed at him.

 _And I have lived so many lives, though I'm not old, and the more I see, the less I grow, the fewer the seeds the more I sow…_

"I can't. I walked here," he admitted. Olivia gave him a look. He walked to her place from Queens? No words formed but she invited him in with the movement of her arm. He carefully removed his shoes and left them near hers before moving slowly into the living room. That's when Olivia took stock of just how he looked. It had been a little over three weeks since she'd seen him but you would have thought it had been ten years. His physical shape looked as though he hadn't seen the inside of a gym in a long time and that was something that he would normally never let stand.

 _Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try…_

He collapsed onto the couch, his feet were screaming. _You need to get yourself some decent sneakers_ , the thought passed through his head. He smirked slightly to himself and Olivia wondered just what he was thinking as she took a seat in the oversized recliner near the couch. Elliot looked haunted and something inside of her broke for being so angry with him.

 _Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try…_

"So what do you have to say to me?" She asked; her tone still harsh as the anger that had momentarily faded resurged.

"Kathy kicked me out," it was just a statement with no explanation. Instead of then questioning him about his personal belongings she snapped at him once more.

"So you figured that I would give you a place to put your head after you couldn't have the decency to tell me to my face that you weren't coming back? I would have even settled for a text message Elliot. Jesus Christ! I deserve at least something after twelve years!"

 _Try…_

The doorbell rang and Olivia got up to answer it. She suddenly didn't feel like eating but she knew that at some point she'd better put sustenance in. Quickly, she got up, paid the delivery boy who was nice and polite as always. Giving him a slight smile and a little extra tip, she closed the door. Placing the food on the kitchen counter, she then headed back into the living room to find Elliot with his head in his hands.

 _I wish I hadn't seen… all of the realness… and all the real people are really not real at all…_

"She and I got into a big argument," he started after picking his head up.

"Oh so you're just pissing everybody off today huh?" The tone from Olivia was a little less harsh but it still had an edge to it.

"She told me to stop moping around. I had to get a job and get on with my life. I yelled at her that I had had a job, one that she made me quit. I knew IAB would be gunning for my badge but I couldn't leave. SVU is what I was good at and there were people there who I cared about. As much as I hate myself for Jenna's death, I didn't want to leave the good stuff that I had going on. I knew I could count on people to help me through this mess. I knew people had my back. Kathy yelled back at me, saying that Eli needed a father who could be bothered to be around while he grew up. I told her that I would be around if I had stayed at the job. She laughed and said, "Just like you were around for your other children? You care more for that poor girl you killed than you do your own kids". I lost it. We screamed at each other and finally she'd had enough. She told me that if I wanted my old life back so badly I could have it just not in her house. Kathy said she had a divorce lawyer again and that before Jenna's death she meant to serve me with the papers. She thought that despite everything we might be able to reconcile now that I wasn't with the NYPD anymore but she laughed and said how stupid she'd been. I hadn't been in love with her for years and she knew it. She told me to get out and not come back for a few days. She said that when I came back she'd have the papers and my stuff all boxed up to go," he heaved a sigh as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his chest.

 _The more I learn the more I love, the more I cry the more I cry, as I say goodbye to the way of life, I thought I had designed for me…_

"I'm sorry El," Olivia's anger had faded. His life had slipped into the fifth circle of hell and hers was right next to it.

"You know I thought I would be too. I thought the pain in my chest would get worse but maybe I'm just too numb to feel anything anymore," he conceded.

"You don't mean that," Olivia could feel her heart break. This man had been through a lot between being a Marine and a cop and never once did she think he could break like the man in front of her had.

 _Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try…_

"I suppose I'm not entirely numb. There is something that I feel but I'm sure that the person who I want to feel it too, doesn't. I guess all there is left for me to do is try to get my life in some sort of order. Maybe moving on is the best thing to do, no matter how much it hurts," he admitted.

 _Then I see you standing there, I'm all I'll ever be, but all I can do is try, Oh try… Try… Try…_

Olivia didn't know what to say. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Her heart leapt at the possibility but her head told her she was being ridiculous. His marriage was over, his family life in a shambles. He couldn't be possibly feeling what she had felt for him the past ten years. That's why none of her relationships went anywhere. She was too busy comparing them to Elliot.

 _All of the moments that already passed, we'll try to go back and make them last, all of the things we want each other to be, we never will be, we never will be…_

He took her silence as his cue to get up and get out. He was foolish to think that after all these years she'd waited for him. Marriage was serious to him but despite their troubles, he and Kathy had tried to work it out for the older kids. The simple fact of the matter was that the only reason they had come back together was because of the birth of little Eli. Now even that couldn't keep them together. Slowly standing and realizing his legs were not in very good shape, he made to turn when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

 _That's wonderful, that's life, that's you, baby, this is me, baby…_

Turning to face her, he suddenly found her lips on his. Everything in that moment disappeared and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders pulling her closer.

 _We are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are…_

They pulled apart for air and their ears were met with the rumble of their stomachs to which they both could only laugh. Olivia pulled away, went to the kitchen counter, and grabbed the food she'd ordered.

"I'm not sure how hot this is," she admitted.

"I'm not sure I care," he laughed. Olivia melted. It was as if they had picked up right where they left off almost a month ago. She handed him the bag and then headed into the kitchen for plates and silverware.

"You want a beer?" She asked, setting the plates and silverware down on the coffee table where he'd begun to pull the food out of the bag and onto the piece of furniture.

"Absolutely," he smiled. She ducked back into the kitchen, rescuing her wine from the counter and grabbing him a beer out of the fridge. He was splitting the food up when she got back and they quickly and quietly tucked into the food as they sat next to each other on the couch.

Just as quickly as the food was out on the plates, it was gone. The dirty dishes were carted to the sink and the garbage thrown out. Olivia filled her wine glass again and handed Elliot another beer. Then she snuggled into his side on the couch.

"How long?" He asked suddenly.

"How long? You don't want to know. It's going to make me sound pretty pathetic," she shook her head.

"I doubt that. I had an inkling that there was more to what I was feeling but it wasn't until Eric Plummer that I realized just how crazy things were inside my head," Elliot said.

"You fought me that entire case!" She slapped his shoulder.

"Well you were going to get yourself killed and I knew that I wouldn't be able to survive that," he answered honestly.

"So we've both been in love for ten years," Olivia wasn't sure what that said about them.

"I stayed with Kathy out of duty. I think we'd been moving apart for years but with the kids neither one of us wanted to admit that we got married out of necessity instead of love. I mean we cared for each other, that's not it, but it wasn't the same as it had been before the kids," Elliot shrugged.

"Well I kept holding out hope that you would come sweep me off my feet. I compared every guy to you which didn't help my relationships. At some point, I figured being alone and seeing you at work was better than breaking guys hearts," she told him.

"I couldn't stand any of your boyfriends," Elliot chuckled.

"I could tell," Olivia laughed. It was just like it had been until Elliot set down his beer and took her wine glass from her.

"We've wasted a lot of time," he said.

"I'm not wasting another moment," Olivia told him. She climbed up and over his lap so that she straddled him in the seat on the couch. They met for a kiss that was more fervent than the last one.

 _Free, in our love, we are free in our love…_

It wasn't long before Elliot stood up and she clasped her legs around his waist. He maneuvered through her apartment as if he still knew the layout, despite the fact that it had been much longer than a month since he'd been there last, and they made their way into the bedroom. There were still a lot of things they needed to discuss but tonight was about feeling; knowing that they both were here and that they both still needed each other. Apart they were broken and wounded and while together they were still not whole, they knew that over time they could mend the broken pieces back together. It was better to be broken together than it was to be broken apart.

 _Try_

 **THE END**


End file.
